Cold

I detest being cold. I’m conflicted about it, because I like snow and I can’t have snow without the cold. Still, though, I really hate being cold. Our forecast for the next week (and we don’t live in Fargo) is most days never above freezing, and a couple days starting below zero. That makes me edgy, and makes me want to eat every carb in sight. It makes me long for TX, too, where they don’t have cold like this. On the other hand, they don’t have much snow. It’s a real craps shoot, I guess. Nobody said a rant was supposed to make sense. That’s the point of a rant, really – just to put it out there. So there it is.

Practical

My mother in law (bless her memory) used to ask us this time of year – “What did you get for Christmas that was practical?” She felt that Christmas was all about practicality – getting shoes, wallets, etc. For me, practicality is exactly what I don’t want for Christmas. Jesus got gold, frankincense, and myrrh – not a warm blankey. I got some new toys this year – not practical, but a lot of fun. I love toys (as noted in a previous post). And I got snow this year, too. Family, church, Christmas music, toys, and snow – that’s Christmas for me.

Snow

The weather guys say we might actually have snow for Christmas this year. That would be very cool, indeed. I like snow. Not crazy about ice, but I do like snow. I also like to get enough snow to make something with it. I quit making snowmen in college. Since then I’ve made a stegosaurus, turtle, dragon, and a kangaroo. (We don’t get a lot of snow here). This year, I’m thinking about a lighthouse – need a lot of snow for that. Global warming may flood New York, and dry up our food supply. That would be tragic. I would (also) miss playing in the snow.

WalMart

It’s classic to say WM is evil, and in many ways they are indeed the very spawn of Satan. They don’t offer their co-workers health insurance, for example, though they can certainly afford it. At this time of year, though, I’m gonna give them props. I shopped in several stores yesterday, and had to wait in long checkout lines for all of them – except WM. 1) They never have more than five folks in any line. 2) They don’t run out of stuff like other joints do. 3) They are always open. 4) They don’t have to “order” anything and wait two weeks for it. 5) They have it all – the Old West’s general store – on steroids. Love ‘em, hate ‘em – WM is America.

Popcorn

This is the time of year that cans of popcorn start appearing everywhere you look. Inside is a cardboard divider, separating the stuff into two or more flavor varieties. The good stuff (caramel, cinnamon, etc) gets eaten first, and the crap stuff (plain, butter) gets left until the good stuff is gone. Even then, the crap stuff often gets thrown out or given to the birds. Why don’t they just make tubs of all good stuff, and leave the crap stuff out?

88 Gluttony

I’m overweight, but it’s fall and almost winter. Who can actually lose weight this time of year? This is the season when food is the best – sugar, fat, carbs, and huge portions. Everywhere you go – home, work, friends – everyone has tons of good food. Besides, cold weather makes us kick into “hibernating bear mode” – put on a good fat layer to keep warm till spring. January will be here soon enough, and we will all break out the resolutions and gym memberships again. Till then, let’s be a little forgiving.

TG

This column started as my place for angry rants. But, I don’t spend a lot of time in rant mode. This one will be just plain sappy. Thanksgiving is this week, and I am a truly thankful guy. I have a pretty and fun wife, and two gorgeous adult children who are happy and high-functioning. I am in the nicest house I’ve ever lived in. I drive a zippy car that is practically new, and is about 2/3 paid for. I have a sweet dog who is practically silent, and a fat kitty who likes to sit on my lap. I have never been unemployed longer than one month in the last 37 years. I enjoy my job, and am paid well for doing it. I have all the toys I like, and have trouble thinking of gifts I either want or need. I am, as they say, truly blessed. TG = 1) thank God, and 2) Thanksgiving.