Mouseflipper
I have a mouseflipper in my garage. Most folks would call it a shovel, but I use mine to flip mice over the back fence. Our cat brings us this little flaccid offerings of joy, expecting praise and wanting to bring them – flopping – into our living room. Cat shrinks (they exist) say we should not scold her, because she is only doing what comes naturally. I guess that is the real difference between humans and our pets – we are expected to act on higher impulses, rather than always just doing that which our baser natures would dictate. Otherwise, we would all be built like Karl Rove and act like Paris Hilton. So why do they get paid so much?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Dreams
Last night I dreamed I was given a plastic blister pack of The Top Nine US Marshals Play Set. Where does this stuff come from? The theory I subscribe to is that during the day the brain collects random bits of flotsam and jetsam, then weaves it all into a story to entertain itself. May not be true, but I like that explanation. On the old Jetsons TV show, you could program a little machine before going to bed, to direct your dreams. I prefer it the natural way – the randomization is great. Shakespeare said “To sleep, perchance to dream.” Dream on!
Last night I dreamed I was given a plastic blister pack of The Top Nine US Marshals Play Set. Where does this stuff come from? The theory I subscribe to is that during the day the brain collects random bits of flotsam and jetsam, then weaves it all into a story to entertain itself. May not be true, but I like that explanation. On the old Jetsons TV show, you could program a little machine before going to bed, to direct your dreams. I prefer it the natural way – the randomization is great. Shakespeare said “To sleep, perchance to dream.” Dream on!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Lane pigs
I really, truly dislike lane pigs. Folks that design store layouts work very hard to make each aisle exactly two carts wide. When a single person with one cart clogs up the whole aisle, I get angry. Halls in most public buildings are at least three people wide. When two people clog up a whole hall so I can’t walk by, it makes me angry. These folks don’t straddle the white line when driving down a road – why on earth do they find it acceptable to do so in a grocery store, or while walking down a hall? Do we need to paint white stripes inside all buildings, so they wake up and walk straight? Infuriating!
I really, truly dislike lane pigs. Folks that design store layouts work very hard to make each aisle exactly two carts wide. When a single person with one cart clogs up the whole aisle, I get angry. Halls in most public buildings are at least three people wide. When two people clog up a whole hall so I can’t walk by, it makes me angry. These folks don’t straddle the white line when driving down a road – why on earth do they find it acceptable to do so in a grocery store, or while walking down a hall? Do we need to paint white stripes inside all buildings, so they wake up and walk straight? Infuriating!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The REAL oil problem
We’ve been fooled – the whole nation of us. Thousands of shops around the country have trained us to change our car’s oil every three thousand (3K) miles. Quite frankly, we are idiots. The manufacturers themselves, who built the cars, recommend oil changes every 5K – 7.5K miles. Who knows these cars better – the manufacturers, or folks getting rich off of us? Auto makers have for decades been making our cars LESS needy – fewer tune-ups, better longevity, etc. This 3K thing is a bad joke. My car has an “oil life indicator” that says the oil has over half of its life left, even after 5K. The bigger issue, though, is that changing too often wastes crude oil that could be made into gasoline instead. Honest - wouldn’t we rather have more gas, for a lower price, than overlubed cars? What a crock!
We’ve been fooled – the whole nation of us. Thousands of shops around the country have trained us to change our car’s oil every three thousand (3K) miles. Quite frankly, we are idiots. The manufacturers themselves, who built the cars, recommend oil changes every 5K – 7.5K miles. Who knows these cars better – the manufacturers, or folks getting rich off of us? Auto makers have for decades been making our cars LESS needy – fewer tune-ups, better longevity, etc. This 3K thing is a bad joke. My car has an “oil life indicator” that says the oil has over half of its life left, even after 5K. The bigger issue, though, is that changing too often wastes crude oil that could be made into gasoline instead. Honest - wouldn’t we rather have more gas, for a lower price, than overlubed cars? What a crock!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Olympics #2
Can you imagine eating 12,000 calories per day? Can you imagine being required to do that? US Olympic swimming hero Michael Phelps averages 12,000 calories per day while he is in training. That’s how much fuel his body needs just to keep going at that pace. Phelps eats between four and six times as much as most folks do. The point? The next time I’m accused of overeating, I’ll just say I’m prepping for the Olympics. Phelps and I are in such similar shape, that I’m sure no one would question it. What a deal – wish I had thought of this years ago!
Can you imagine eating 12,000 calories per day? Can you imagine being required to do that? US Olympic swimming hero Michael Phelps averages 12,000 calories per day while he is in training. That’s how much fuel his body needs just to keep going at that pace. Phelps eats between four and six times as much as most folks do. The point? The next time I’m accused of overeating, I’ll just say I’m prepping for the Olympics. Phelps and I are in such similar shape, that I’m sure no one would question it. What a deal – wish I had thought of this years ago!
Monday, August 11, 2008
The Olympics
“I’d give anything to have a body like that!” I’ve said that – have you? I wrote down a goal to have a flat stomach by 40, and I’m not there yet, twelve years later. The truth is, we wouldn’t “do anything” or “give anything” to be in shape. If so, we would do it. Getting thin and in shape is incredibly hard – I’m beginning to think it’s one of the hardest things on earth to do. That’s why I so admire the Olympians. Funny that McDonalds is an official sponsor – how many meals at McDonald’s would you guess the athletes eat per week? I know most of them don’t have to bother with jobs and such while training, but it’s still tough work. They get props for their dedication. Thanks gang – we’ll be watching!
“I’d give anything to have a body like that!” I’ve said that – have you? I wrote down a goal to have a flat stomach by 40, and I’m not there yet, twelve years later. The truth is, we wouldn’t “do anything” or “give anything” to be in shape. If so, we would do it. Getting thin and in shape is incredibly hard – I’m beginning to think it’s one of the hardest things on earth to do. That’s why I so admire the Olympians. Funny that McDonalds is an official sponsor – how many meals at McDonald’s would you guess the athletes eat per week? I know most of them don’t have to bother with jobs and such while training, but it’s still tough work. They get props for their dedication. Thanks gang – we’ll be watching!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
BOGO
Bogo is grocery store-speak for buy one, get one free. It is cool to get two packages of grilled albatross for the price of one. Just this week a car dealer here raised the bar. If you buy a 2008 Chevy Suburban (they can’t give them away now), you get a 2008 Chevy Aveo for free. Where else can this be used? If you buy a $20 meal, dessert could be free. If you buy a dog, you get a free kitten. McDonalds invented the combo meal many years back, when people quit eating their french fries. Buy a sandwich and drink, and the fries are free. Linus once told Charlie Brown that when a baby is born, he should be issued a banjo. Pay your taxes, and you get an extra vote in the local elections. What bogo bargains can you think of?
Bogo is grocery store-speak for buy one, get one free. It is cool to get two packages of grilled albatross for the price of one. Just this week a car dealer here raised the bar. If you buy a 2008 Chevy Suburban (they can’t give them away now), you get a 2008 Chevy Aveo for free. Where else can this be used? If you buy a $20 meal, dessert could be free. If you buy a dog, you get a free kitten. McDonalds invented the combo meal many years back, when people quit eating their french fries. Buy a sandwich and drink, and the fries are free. Linus once told Charlie Brown that when a baby is born, he should be issued a banjo. Pay your taxes, and you get an extra vote in the local elections. What bogo bargains can you think of?
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