Got nuthin’
It is astoundingly rare for me to have nothing to say. My wife was first attracted to me in our college years because, while she was quiet and shy, I almost always had something to say. Now, a lot of the time, she wishes I would just be quiet. Not an easy thing for me to be quiet. Our dog is almost totally silent – one reason we like her so much. When my wife and I compare notes at the end of the day, she often says “Got nuthin” – which means no news worth mentioning. This week, it’s me. Just not feeling very creative right now – got nuthin’. Will hope for some kind of muse to fly by next week, I guess.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Dollar Store
I got hooked when I was younger and poorer, and now it’s hard to shake the habit. My wife goes to the shoe store, and I walk across the parking lot to the dollar store. Bargains galore – cheap tools, kitchen gadgets, snack foods, seasonal merchandise, tech stuff, etc. Some of the customers look broke, but most of them look a lot like me. Finding cheap treasures can be fun. Still, though, there are some things you should never buy at a dollar store. Underwear, pregnancy tests, saline drops for your eyes, candy from unheard of countries – these items seem very suspect to me. Who was surprised last year when Chinese toothpaste from dollar stores was found to be tainted? Come on people – even bargain-hunting has its limits!
I got hooked when I was younger and poorer, and now it’s hard to shake the habit. My wife goes to the shoe store, and I walk across the parking lot to the dollar store. Bargains galore – cheap tools, kitchen gadgets, snack foods, seasonal merchandise, tech stuff, etc. Some of the customers look broke, but most of them look a lot like me. Finding cheap treasures can be fun. Still, though, there are some things you should never buy at a dollar store. Underwear, pregnancy tests, saline drops for your eyes, candy from unheard of countries – these items seem very suspect to me. Who was surprised last year when Chinese toothpaste from dollar stores was found to be tainted? Come on people – even bargain-hunting has its limits!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Fail
My father was a pastor, and he often quoted scripture as saying “Rejoice not in another’s tribulation.” My interpretation is that means “don’t laugh at someone who is already down.” Good advice, and good psychology, but not always easy to heed. The sad fact is – it’s often funny, sometimes very funny, when people screw up. The websites devoted to “fails,” “dumbest criminals,” and “Darwin awards” are pretty riotous stuff. Having said that, I hope I never make any of those websites or lists. We all do stupid stuff, and I have committed some real doozies. Fortunately, no one was there to record the event. So, we live to give it another try. Life is good!
My father was a pastor, and he often quoted scripture as saying “Rejoice not in another’s tribulation.” My interpretation is that means “don’t laugh at someone who is already down.” Good advice, and good psychology, but not always easy to heed. The sad fact is – it’s often funny, sometimes very funny, when people screw up. The websites devoted to “fails,” “dumbest criminals,” and “Darwin awards” are pretty riotous stuff. Having said that, I hope I never make any of those websites or lists. We all do stupid stuff, and I have committed some real doozies. Fortunately, no one was there to record the event. So, we live to give it another try. Life is good!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Incentive
Tim is ten years younger than I am, but he’s dying. An alcoholic for years, he has lost everything important to him – wife, kids, job, and home. Tim says he doesn’t want to die, but he has no incentive to keep living. Very sad. Three years ago, I bought a bicycle for incentive to get in shape. I’ve now ridden it over 3,000 miles. My wife just bought an expensive bike, to give her incentive to ride and lose weight. This summer we hope to take an anniversary cruise, so we now have an incentive to “get hot” (my wife’s words) before summer. Without incentive, life would be a very dreary existence. There are lots of great incentives in my life. How about yours?
Tim is ten years younger than I am, but he’s dying. An alcoholic for years, he has lost everything important to him – wife, kids, job, and home. Tim says he doesn’t want to die, but he has no incentive to keep living. Very sad. Three years ago, I bought a bicycle for incentive to get in shape. I’ve now ridden it over 3,000 miles. My wife just bought an expensive bike, to give her incentive to ride and lose weight. This summer we hope to take an anniversary cruise, so we now have an incentive to “get hot” (my wife’s words) before summer. Without incentive, life would be a very dreary existence. There are lots of great incentives in my life. How about yours?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Dishwasher king
I am, quite simply, the dishwasher king. Nobody can get as much stuff into a dishwasher – and it all comes out clean. It offends me to leave anything on the counter, so I will move stuff around until every last cup and spoon is crammed in there somewhere. I was quite proud of this until recently, when I visited my parents in Texas. Mom and I were loading her dishwasher, and she said “I’ll finish it up – nobody can get as much stuff into a dishwasher as I can!” Up to that point, I never knew I had inherited such a fabulous skill. I guess it is true that we eventually all turn into our parents. It’s nice then, to have parents worth following.
I am, quite simply, the dishwasher king. Nobody can get as much stuff into a dishwasher – and it all comes out clean. It offends me to leave anything on the counter, so I will move stuff around until every last cup and spoon is crammed in there somewhere. I was quite proud of this until recently, when I visited my parents in Texas. Mom and I were loading her dishwasher, and she said “I’ll finish it up – nobody can get as much stuff into a dishwasher as I can!” Up to that point, I never knew I had inherited such a fabulous skill. I guess it is true that we eventually all turn into our parents. It’s nice then, to have parents worth following.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Genderless bathrooms
Sometime in the last ten years or so, it seems, the National Bathroom Association met and decided to spring the idea of genderless bathrooms on the public. Up to that point, there were always men’s bathrooms, and women’s bathrooms. If your version was occupied, you had to wait. Now you don’t. Amazing! As a kid, the idea of my using the girl’s bathroom was reprehensible. One of my friends told me with a quiver in his voice, “I went in there – and no one caught me!” Why all the decades of fuss? After all, the hardware in both is essentially the same. Must be the same folks that demanded bathrooms and water fountains had to be either for black folks, or for white ones. Pretty stupid, huh?
Sometime in the last ten years or so, it seems, the National Bathroom Association met and decided to spring the idea of genderless bathrooms on the public. Up to that point, there were always men’s bathrooms, and women’s bathrooms. If your version was occupied, you had to wait. Now you don’t. Amazing! As a kid, the idea of my using the girl’s bathroom was reprehensible. One of my friends told me with a quiver in his voice, “I went in there – and no one caught me!” Why all the decades of fuss? After all, the hardware in both is essentially the same. Must be the same folks that demanded bathrooms and water fountains had to be either for black folks, or for white ones. Pretty stupid, huh?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Minions
I’ve rediscovered a word that I’m crazy about, and here are some examples of its use:
1) Hell is reserved for the devil and his minions. 2)The IRS and its minions squeezed the last penny from the starving widow. 3)My boss and her minions forced me out of the job I had worked so hard for. 4)The boutique owner and her minions bought out everyone else in the city. Now and then a word comes along that “drips with invective,” and is self-explanatory. You can hear the sneer that goes with the word minions. Use it well, with my compliments.
I’ve rediscovered a word that I’m crazy about, and here are some examples of its use:
1) Hell is reserved for the devil and his minions. 2)The IRS and its minions squeezed the last penny from the starving widow. 3)My boss and her minions forced me out of the job I had worked so hard for. 4)The boutique owner and her minions bought out everyone else in the city. Now and then a word comes along that “drips with invective,” and is self-explanatory. You can hear the sneer that goes with the word minions. Use it well, with my compliments.
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