Toys
Women love shoes, my woman tells me, because they always fit. No matter how much weight you gain or lose, your shoes always look good. Guys don’t care as much about clothes and shoes. We can go through the Taco Bell drive-through wearing just our underpants, and feel comfortable doing it. For guys, it’s the toys. Here’s my top ten toys, in increasing order of how happy they make me: 10) cell phone, 9) air compressor, 8) GPS, 7) all my cameras, 6) my TV/DVR/CD/DVD system, 5) kitchen aid knife set and stand mixer, 4) giant bicycle, 3) Honda Fit, 2) ASUS netbook, and 1) the big computer. I could Amish, if it wasn’t for all my toys.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Whatsa Covet? 
We didn’t know what they were, but most houses in our ‘hood had one in their yard. First, we were curious. Then we wondered what they had that we didn’t. Then we wanted one, because apparently folks should have one. Then it made us angry -- they had one, and we didn’t. Now we have one of our very own – a Japanese beetle trap. When the neighbors put empty boxes out for the trash, and we see they have a new TV or fun toy, it starts again. But then I remember that pesky line in the Ten Commandments . . .
We didn’t know what they were, but most houses in our ‘hood had one in their yard. First, we were curious. Then we wondered what they had that we didn’t. Then we wanted one, because apparently folks should have one. Then it made us angry -- they had one, and we didn’t. Now we have one of our very own – a Japanese beetle trap. When the neighbors put empty boxes out for the trash, and we see they have a new TV or fun toy, it starts again. But then I remember that pesky line in the Ten Commandments . . .
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Done well
I’m in that small category of straight men who don’t watch a lot of sports. I was never very good at them, and the years have not made me any quicker. I ride my bike and play tennis, and that’s about it. I’m impressed, though, by those who know how to play, and play well. To watch the Williams sisters hammer away at the recent Wimbledon match was a wonder. They don’t play like I do. They slam each ball as hard as they can (117mph serves!), grunting or yelling with each hit. And they do that in the heat for 2-3 hours, and don't pass out! I used to say I played tennis like a woman, but one of my opponents said, “No Ken – most women play better than you do.” Sadly, it’s true. I love to play, but I’m no Williams sister. Guess it’s good there’s only room in the world for two of them.
I’m in that small category of straight men who don’t watch a lot of sports. I was never very good at them, and the years have not made me any quicker. I ride my bike and play tennis, and that’s about it. I’m impressed, though, by those who know how to play, and play well. To watch the Williams sisters hammer away at the recent Wimbledon match was a wonder. They don’t play like I do. They slam each ball as hard as they can (117mph serves!), grunting or yelling with each hit. And they do that in the heat for 2-3 hours, and don't pass out! I used to say I played tennis like a woman, but one of my opponents said, “No Ken – most women play better than you do.” Sadly, it’s true. I love to play, but I’m no Williams sister. Guess it’s good there’s only room in the world for two of them.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Fireworks
There’s probably nothing more financially inefficient than fireworks. How else can you blow $100 in less than an hour, and have absolutely nothing left to show for it? With food and drink, you at least feel full and satisfied. With fireworks, you’re left wanting even more – oh, is it over already? That’s part of the reason why I love them so much. With fireworks, I have great memories instead –my grandmother getting buzzed by a bottle rocket, our driveway catching on fire, the unexpected sonic boom of the scudbuster shell that rocked our ‘hood, the slug that landed in my mouth, the folks who laugh uncontrollably when one goes bad. Fireworks – inefficient – wonderful. I love them!
There’s probably nothing more financially inefficient than fireworks. How else can you blow $100 in less than an hour, and have absolutely nothing left to show for it? With food and drink, you at least feel full and satisfied. With fireworks, you’re left wanting even more – oh, is it over already? That’s part of the reason why I love them so much. With fireworks, I have great memories instead –my grandmother getting buzzed by a bottle rocket, our driveway catching on fire, the unexpected sonic boom of the scudbuster shell that rocked our ‘hood, the slug that landed in my mouth, the folks who laugh uncontrollably when one goes bad. Fireworks – inefficient – wonderful. I love them!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Flying
I love to fly. I’m not real crazy, though, about my fellow flying travelers. What’s behind the push to get on the plane? Why jostle others out of the way, to get a better spot in line? Will this improve your assigned seating position? Will the plane leave earlier, if you get on faster? When it’s time to get off the plane, what’s the point of standing up and clogging the aisle for ten minutes? Does standing in the aisle get you out of the gate thirty seconds faster? Why do I need your rear in my face while we are waiting? What happened to letting old folks and families with children get on and off first? Folks who say civility is circling the drain aren’t whining – they are right!
I love to fly. I’m not real crazy, though, about my fellow flying travelers. What’s behind the push to get on the plane? Why jostle others out of the way, to get a better spot in line? Will this improve your assigned seating position? Will the plane leave earlier, if you get on faster? When it’s time to get off the plane, what’s the point of standing up and clogging the aisle for ten minutes? Does standing in the aisle get you out of the gate thirty seconds faster? Why do I need your rear in my face while we are waiting? What happened to letting old folks and families with children get on and off first? Folks who say civility is circling the drain aren’t whining – they are right!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
As seen on TV
I live in MO, the “show me state.” Residents of my state are supposed to disbelieve everything until it is shown to be true. But I didn’t grow up in MO. I’m pretty gullible, and normally believe stuff until it is shown to NOT be true. Why would anyone want to lie to me? I bought one of the upside-down tomato planters, and it is doing great. I can’t explain it, but it works. The plant is high in the air, above all the bugs and fungus that like to eat tomatoes. So, I’m sold. All you “negative nancies” out there that question everything you hear – go take a leap! I’ll be eating my tomatoes.
I live in MO, the “show me state.” Residents of my state are supposed to disbelieve everything until it is shown to be true. But I didn’t grow up in MO. I’m pretty gullible, and normally believe stuff until it is shown to NOT be true. Why would anyone want to lie to me? I bought one of the upside-down tomato planters, and it is doing great. I can’t explain it, but it works. The plant is high in the air, above all the bugs and fungus that like to eat tomatoes. So, I’m sold. All you “negative nancies” out there that question everything you hear – go take a leap! I’ll be eating my tomatoes.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Treat yourself
My daughter told me years ago, quite accurately, that I have trouble “treating myself” to things I want. It’s not that I feel unworthy, it’s just that my default setting is to take care of other people’s needs before my own. Part of that is my upbringing, part of it is a religious thing, and part is that I honestly don’t think I have a selfish bone in my body. But I bought myself a treat a couple weeks ago – a small “netbook” computer. I don’t really need one, I just wanted one. If I had actually needed it, I wouldn’t have had the struggle justifying the expense. The thing is my father’s day / birthday gift though, so it’s OK. My new toy is a real peach, and my daughter is right. Sometimes it is very nice to treat yourself.
My daughter told me years ago, quite accurately, that I have trouble “treating myself” to things I want. It’s not that I feel unworthy, it’s just that my default setting is to take care of other people’s needs before my own. Part of that is my upbringing, part of it is a religious thing, and part is that I honestly don’t think I have a selfish bone in my body. But I bought myself a treat a couple weeks ago – a small “netbook” computer. I don’t really need one, I just wanted one. If I had actually needed it, I wouldn’t have had the struggle justifying the expense. The thing is my father’s day / birthday gift though, so it’s OK. My new toy is a real peach, and my daughter is right. Sometimes it is very nice to treat yourself.
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