WalMart

It’s classic to say WM is evil, and in many ways they are indeed the very spawn of Satan. They don’t offer their co-workers health insurance, for example, though they can certainly afford it. At this time of year, though, I’m gonna give them props. I shopped in several stores yesterday, and had to wait in long checkout lines for all of them – except WM. 1) They never have more than five folks in any line. 2) They don’t run out of stuff like other joints do. 3) They are always open. 4) They don’t have to “order” anything and wait two weeks for it. 5) They have it all – the Old West’s general store – on steroids. Love ‘em, hate ‘em – WM is America.

Popcorn

This is the time of year that cans of popcorn start appearing everywhere you look. Inside is a cardboard divider, separating the stuff into two or more flavor varieties. The good stuff (caramel, cinnamon, etc) gets eaten first, and the crap stuff (plain, butter) gets left until the good stuff is gone. Even then, the crap stuff often gets thrown out or given to the birds. Why don’t they just make tubs of all good stuff, and leave the crap stuff out?

88 Gluttony

I’m overweight, but it’s fall and almost winter. Who can actually lose weight this time of year? This is the season when food is the best – sugar, fat, carbs, and huge portions. Everywhere you go – home, work, friends – everyone has tons of good food. Besides, cold weather makes us kick into “hibernating bear mode” – put on a good fat layer to keep warm till spring. January will be here soon enough, and we will all break out the resolutions and gym memberships again. Till then, let’s be a little forgiving.

TG

This column started as my place for angry rants. But, I don’t spend a lot of time in rant mode. This one will be just plain sappy. Thanksgiving is this week, and I am a truly thankful guy. I have a pretty and fun wife, and two gorgeous adult children who are happy and high-functioning. I am in the nicest house I’ve ever lived in. I drive a zippy car that is practically new, and is about 2/3 paid for. I have a sweet dog who is practically silent, and a fat kitty who likes to sit on my lap. I have never been unemployed longer than one month in the last 37 years. I enjoy my job, and am paid well for doing it. I have all the toys I like, and have trouble thinking of gifts I either want or need. I am, as they say, truly blessed. TG = 1) thank God, and 2) Thanksgiving.

Leaves

I have a love-hate relationship with leaves. Here in the Ozarks, fall is gorgeous due to color-changing leaves. People who drive to New England to see that waste their time and money. But leaves also cover up my grass in the fall. So -- I’m supposed to rake them --- a job I truly dislike. Most often I just mow them, hoping the beast will grind them up small enough to make it look O.K. Our dog, though, has discovered the joy of a backyard full of leaves. She hasn’t done it in previous years, but this year the leaves have awakened her inner puppy. She runs out to whiz, gets distracted by the leaves, flops down in them and rolls around, sticks her legs straight up in the air, and looks over her shoulder as if to say “Daddy – life is sweet!” Part of having kids is they remind you of the simple things in life. With our dog, and our leaves, part of an old joy returns.

Halloween

I’m tired of people telling me how I should feel about Halloween. A woman recently confided “God has revealed to me that Halloween is Sutonic!” Really? Did it have anything to do with you being illiterate? I don’t like the dark stuff, either. I can do without the drunks – the guy dressed as a drunken slug who urinated on the sidewalk, as it pooled by my feet. But those folks are around all the time, not just this one night a year. It’s not my favorite holiday, but it IS fun to see an otherwise responsible adult dressed up like a goth Stegosaurus. And -- I get to eat mounds of chocolate that I would otherwise feel guilty about. Let it ride

Pride
CS Lewis said that pride is the basis of all human sin – ALL human sin. Don’t know if he’s right or not, but old CSL rarely gets it wrong. Very closely connected to pride is egotism. A startling example of egotism, in my opinion, is the news item that America slammed a satellite into the moon Friday morning. The problem is not only that the bullet cost us $79 million bucks (which it did). Nor is the problem only that we did it to see if ice and water would fly up to be photographed (it didn’t). No, the real problem is that the moon is not ours to slam crap into. The moon doesn’t belong to America, nor to the earth for that matter. The moon is – the moon – not something to experiment with. Don’t get me wrong – I’m NASA’s biggest fan. I think exploration is worth what it costs. I still get misty eyed when rockets successfully launch, and shuttles make it successfully home. But slamming crap into the moon, and leaving our junk on the surface or floating around in space, just because we can – that is pure hubris. CSL would be ashamed, and I am too.