The REAL oil problem

We’ve been fooled – the whole nation of us. Thousands of shops around the country have trained us to change our car’s oil every three thousand (3K) miles. Quite frankly, we are idiots. The manufacturers themselves, who built the cars, recommend oil changes every 5K – 7.5K miles. Who knows these cars better – the manufacturers, or folks getting rich off of us? Auto makers have for decades been making our cars LESS needy – fewer tune-ups, better longevity, etc. This 3K thing is a bad joke. My car has an “oil life indicator” that says the oil has over half of its life left, even after 5K. The bigger issue, though, is that changing too often wastes crude oil that could be made into gasoline instead. Honest - wouldn’t we rather have more gas, for a lower price, than overlubed cars? What a crock!

Olympics #2

Can you imagine eating 12,000 calories per day? Can you imagine being required to do that? US Olympic swimming hero Michael Phelps averages 12,000 calories per day while he is in training. That’s how much fuel his body needs just to keep going at that pace. Phelps eats between four and six times as much as most folks do. The point? The next time I’m accused of overeating, I’ll just say I’m prepping for the Olympics. Phelps and I are in such similar shape, that I’m sure no one would question it. What a deal – wish I had thought of this years ago!

The Olympics

“I’d give anything to have a body like that!” I’ve said that – have you? I wrote down a goal to have a flat stomach by 40, and I’m not there yet, twelve years later. The truth is, we wouldn’t “do anything” or “give anything” to be in shape. If so, we would do it. Getting thin and in shape is incredibly hard – I’m beginning to think it’s one of the hardest things on earth to do. That’s why I so admire the Olympians. Funny that McDonalds is an official sponsor – how many meals at McDonald’s would you guess the athletes eat per week? I know most of them don’t have to bother with jobs and such while training, but it’s still tough work. They get props for their dedication. Thanks gang – we’ll be watching!

BOGO

Bogo is grocery store-speak for buy one, get one free. It is cool to get two packages of grilled albatross for the price of one. Just this week a car dealer here raised the bar. If you buy a 2008 Chevy Suburban (they can’t give them away now), you get a 2008 Chevy Aveo for free. Where else can this be used? If you buy a $20 meal, dessert could be free. If you buy a dog, you get a free kitten. McDonalds invented the combo meal many years back, when people quit eating their french fries. Buy a sandwich and drink, and the fries are free. Linus once told Charlie Brown that when a baby is born, he should be issued a banjo. Pay your taxes, and you get an extra vote in the local elections. What bogo bargains can you think of?

Bonafide

One of my favorite movies is "Oh Brother, Where art Thou?" The title character (played by George Clooney) gets replaced in his wife's affections by another guy because the new guy is "bonafide," whereas Clooney isn't. A definition of bonafide is never given, but we all have a basic understanding of the concept. I just got stamped as bonafide -- I passed a major hurdling with credentialing in my field. I won't make any more money, and it won't make any real difference in how I do my job. But last week I wasn't bonafide, and now I am. I like it. It feels good to be bonafide. Wish I had done it before. You should get bonafide, too. We could all be bonafied together.

Overpriced

I know that I’m old. But still, some things really should be cheaper than they are. Water shouldn’t cost a dollar a bottle – it’s water. Air for your tires at a gas station should be free, or .25 tops – never fifty or seventy five cents. If you buy gas, you should get a free token for air. Blue jeans should never cost more than $40/pair. Women’s swim suits have less fabric than men’s, so they should cost less. A haircut should never cost more than $20. Plumbers shouldn’t make more than school teachers. And that’s as far as we’ll go this time.

Troponin

My car (and yours) has idiot lights that are supposed to fire up, warning you before the car explodes. Wouldn’t it be cool if our bodies did that, too? Turns out, they do – if you are having a heart attack an odd enzyme named troponin shows up in your blood. It doesn’t get in the blood any other time except for heart damage. (Well OK – it also lights up if you are stung by an Egyptian scorpion, but that isn’t likely to happen to most of us) When an ER doc sees troponin in your blood, you are quickly whisked away for a heart procedure. Scary for sure, but pretty cool. I think my blood also lights up when I am low on cheesecake, but there isn’t a blood test for that yet. A shame, truly.