Unplugged
I spent a big part of the last ten days unplugged – no phone calls, no cell phone possible, no internet, no email, no local or national news. The classic thing is to say I loved it, and it was wonderful. That’s a lie. Being unplugged is very unsettling, at least for me. I had no idea if my kids were OK, if our pets were safe, if my house was still standing, or if the country was in turmoil. Being unplugged from stuff you DON’T like is great, but when it comes to the stuff you DO care about, it’s hard on the mind and soul. Being unplugged, though, sure didn’t keep me from having a great time.

Manly men
I have no patience for men in their 40s – 70s who “don’t go to no hospitals, and don’t trust none of them doctors.” Maybe that’s why you’re dying now, huh buddy? These morons wouldn’t miss an oil change on their 4x4s, and probably tune up their own lawn mowers, but preventive maintenance on the most intricate machine they have (their body)? Of course not! I don’t say it, but I’m thinking “Nobody drug you in here this time either, buddy – go ask your buddies at the bar about your chest pain, and bleeding from your ears!” I mean, really!

Lists
All of us have at least a touch of OCD. Mine is manifested by lists – I love making them, following them, and marking them off as I go. Without a list, I’m listless (pun intended) and anxious. How will I know if I’ve forgotten something, without a list? If I have the day off tomorrow, I’ll sleep better tonight if I have a list waiting for me in the morning. Even if the list is nothing but: 1) relax, and 2) write, it helps –a reminder when I wake up that there are no pressing events first thing makes me happy. My happy light goes on when I am able to flip a completed list into the trash. I’m not manic about this, of course. With only one or two items, I won’t start a list. Once I have three, though, life gets sweeter. I have my list.

Toys
Women love shoes, my woman tells me, because they always fit. No matter how much weight you gain or lose, your shoes always look good. Guys don’t care as much about clothes and shoes. We can go through the Taco Bell drive-through wearing just our underpants, and feel comfortable doing it. For guys, it’s the toys. Here’s my top ten toys, in increasing order of how happy they make me: 10) cell phone, 9) air compressor, 8) GPS, 7) all my cameras, 6) my TV/DVR/CD/DVD system, 5) kitchen aid knife set and stand mixer, 4) giant bicycle, 3) Honda Fit, 2) ASUS netbook, and 1) the big computer. I could Amish, if it wasn’t for all my toys.

Whatsa Covet?
We didn’t know what they were, but most houses in our ‘hood had one in their yard. First, we were curious. Then we wondered what they had that we didn’t. Then we wanted one, because apparently folks should have one. Then it made us angry -- they had one, and we didn’t. Now we have one of our very own – a Japanese beetle trap. When the neighbors put empty boxes out for the trash, and we see they have a new TV or fun toy, it starts again. But then I remember that pesky line in the Ten Commandments . . .

Done well
I’m in that small category of straight men who don’t watch a lot of sports. I was never very good at them, and the years have not made me any quicker. I ride my bike and play tennis, and that’s about it. I’m impressed, though, by those who know how to play, and play well. To watch the Williams sisters hammer away at the recent Wimbledon match was a wonder. They don’t play like I do. They slam each ball as hard as they can (117mph serves!), grunting or yelling with each hit. And they do that in the heat for 2-3 hours, and don't pass out! I used to say I played tennis like a woman, but one of my opponents said, “No Ken – most women play better than you do.” Sadly, it’s true. I love to play, but I’m no Williams sister. Guess it’s good there’s only room in the world for two of them.

Fireworks
There’s probably nothing more financially inefficient than fireworks. How else can you blow $100 in less than an hour, and have absolutely nothing left to show for it? With food and drink, you at least feel full and satisfied. With fireworks, you’re left wanting even more – oh, is it over already? That’s part of the reason why I love them so much. With fireworks, I have great memories instead –my grandmother getting buzzed by a bottle rocket, our driveway catching on fire, the unexpected sonic boom of the scudbuster shell that rocked our ‘hood, the slug that landed in my mouth, the folks who laugh uncontrollably when one goes bad. Fireworks – inefficient – wonderful. I love them!