Hospital tricks

We all love shortcuts. Here are a few to try, the next time you have to go to a hospital’s emergency room. 1) At the check in desk, ask them how long the wait time will be. If it’s longer than having your house repainted, how bad do you really feel? 2) To get quicker service in an ER, come in through the back door instead of the front. Ambulances and helicopters trump everyone that drove up. Of course, that requires your being injured bad enough to require back door delivery. I can’t solve all your problems for you. 3) The words “chest pain” and “dizzy” will get you seen quicker. If they think you’re lying, though, they will put you in the back corner till you rot. 4) Don’t eat or drink anything while waiting to be seen. Tests have to be done when you are empty and dry. 5) Never specifically ask for pain medication, and never/ever ask for medicine of a particular type or strength. If you do, you’ll be labeled a “drug seeker,” and will still be in the waiting room when the housekeeper comes in the next morning to clean up. 6) Be patient, and don’t threaten the desk crew. Your life is in their hands – literally, and they know it. 7) Lastly, and this goes for places besides ER waiting rooms – If you push and hold the floor number button at the same time you are pushing the close door button, most elevators will close up and get under way immediately, leaving others running toward you with their arms flailing about. What fun!