Overpriced
I know that I’m old. But still, some things really should be cheaper than they are. Water shouldn’t cost a dollar a bottle – it’s water. Air for your tires at a gas station should be free, or .25 tops – never fifty or seventy five cents. If you buy gas, you should get a free token for air. Blue jeans should never cost more than $40/pair. Women’s swim suits have less fabric than men’s, so they should cost less. A haircut should never cost more than $20. Plumbers shouldn’t make more than school teachers. And that’s as far as we’ll go this time.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Troponin
My car (and yours) has idiot lights that are supposed to fire up, warning you before the car explodes. Wouldn’t it be cool if our bodies did that, too? Turns out, they do – if you are having a heart attack an odd enzyme named troponin shows up in your blood. It doesn’t get in the blood any other time except for heart damage. (Well OK – it also lights up if you are stung by an Egyptian scorpion, but that isn’t likely to happen to most of us) When an ER doc sees troponin in your blood, you are quickly whisked away for a heart procedure. Scary for sure, but pretty cool. I think my blood also lights up when I am low on cheesecake, but there isn’t a blood test for that yet. A shame, truly.
My car (and yours) has idiot lights that are supposed to fire up, warning you before the car explodes. Wouldn’t it be cool if our bodies did that, too? Turns out, they do – if you are having a heart attack an odd enzyme named troponin shows up in your blood. It doesn’t get in the blood any other time except for heart damage. (Well OK – it also lights up if you are stung by an Egyptian scorpion, but that isn’t likely to happen to most of us) When an ER doc sees troponin in your blood, you are quickly whisked away for a heart procedure. Scary for sure, but pretty cool. I think my blood also lights up when I am low on cheesecake, but there isn’t a blood test for that yet. A shame, truly.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
On Holiday
Americans go on vacation, but Europeans go on holiday. Have you noticed that you are always exhausted after a vacation? You gotta see everything you possibly can, right? Normally you wouldn’t stop, but on vacation you just might stop at “Cock Roach City.” Where else could you see a 5,000 pound cement roach, purported to be the biggest in the world? You could read about 10 little known roach facts, the ten most famous roaches in history, and all the ways in which cockroaches benefit mankind. Which areas of the country and the world have the most and least cockroaches? On vacation, you’ve got the time – go ahead and stop. You’ll be glad you did.
Americans go on vacation, but Europeans go on holiday. Have you noticed that you are always exhausted after a vacation? You gotta see everything you possibly can, right? Normally you wouldn’t stop, but on vacation you just might stop at “Cock Roach City.” Where else could you see a 5,000 pound cement roach, purported to be the biggest in the world? You could read about 10 little known roach facts, the ten most famous roaches in history, and all the ways in which cockroaches benefit mankind. Which areas of the country and the world have the most and least cockroaches? On vacation, you’ve got the time – go ahead and stop. You’ll be glad you did.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Citizen's Arrest
Wouldn’t it be great if anyone could issue a traffic ticket? They could be “provisional violations,” but when you got five of them, they would become a real ticket with a real fine. Just yesterday, a driver cut across an intersection so close it practically tore the nose off of my car – and I had just spent two hours hand waxing it! Don’t people remember the concept of turning “square corners” from driving class? And what about those buffoons that swing WAY out like the Titanic before turning into a street or driveway? Wouldn’t you love to put a ticket on those huge trucks that park so they take up three spaces? Remember the “citizen’s arrest” episode of Andy Griffith? Where is Barney when we need him? I could issue ten tickets a month, easy. Just being helpful.
Wouldn’t it be great if anyone could issue a traffic ticket? They could be “provisional violations,” but when you got five of them, they would become a real ticket with a real fine. Just yesterday, a driver cut across an intersection so close it practically tore the nose off of my car – and I had just spent two hours hand waxing it! Don’t people remember the concept of turning “square corners” from driving class? And what about those buffoons that swing WAY out like the Titanic before turning into a street or driveway? Wouldn’t you love to put a ticket on those huge trucks that park so they take up three spaces? Remember the “citizen’s arrest” episode of Andy Griffith? Where is Barney when we need him? I could issue ten tickets a month, easy. Just being helpful.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Gas prices
“I’m tired of hearing about gas prices,” my wife said recently. “It’s the current excuse for everything.” I agree. Nobody likes to pay more for anything, but let’s admit that we are a bunch of spoiled brats on this subject. Practically EVERYONE pays more for gas than we do. During WW2, folks learned to do without. Coffee, sugar, chocolate, and gasoline were rationed. When is the last time you and I were told there simply wasn’t enough of something for us to get what we wanted? As I see it, we have two basic choices – shut up, or stay home. We all have TVs and books. There are public busses to take you to work, and to the store. If you choose to drive, don’t complain about it.
“I’m tired of hearing about gas prices,” my wife said recently. “It’s the current excuse for everything.” I agree. Nobody likes to pay more for anything, but let’s admit that we are a bunch of spoiled brats on this subject. Practically EVERYONE pays more for gas than we do. During WW2, folks learned to do without. Coffee, sugar, chocolate, and gasoline were rationed. When is the last time you and I were told there simply wasn’t enough of something for us to get what we wanted? As I see it, we have two basic choices – shut up, or stay home. We all have TVs and books. There are public busses to take you to work, and to the store. If you choose to drive, don’t complain about it.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Obama
Knowing the massive readership this blog generates, I feel fairly safe departing this one time from my normally light and generic themes. I am truly astounded that Obama has won the Democratic nomination. Only fifty years ago – in my personal lifetime – blacks in America had separate water fountains, cafes, and assigned seating on public busses. While I was in college one of my professors was going to preach a weekend revival in a church where the people literally believed that blacks did not have souls – they were simple creatures, like dogs and chipmunks. We still have a long way to go in this country, in so many areas. But on race, we are starting to wake up. MLK’s goal of a day when his children “would be judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin” is within reach. I am crying while I write this. I find this remarkable, and so should you.
Knowing the massive readership this blog generates, I feel fairly safe departing this one time from my normally light and generic themes. I am truly astounded that Obama has won the Democratic nomination. Only fifty years ago – in my personal lifetime – blacks in America had separate water fountains, cafes, and assigned seating on public busses. While I was in college one of my professors was going to preach a weekend revival in a church where the people literally believed that blacks did not have souls – they were simple creatures, like dogs and chipmunks. We still have a long way to go in this country, in so many areas. But on race, we are starting to wake up. MLK’s goal of a day when his children “would be judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin” is within reach. I am crying while I write this. I find this remarkable, and so should you.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The Earth is Flat
One of my heroes died in 2001, but I didn’t know about it till recently. Charles K. Johnson was the leader for the Flat Earth Society in America. The movement actually began in England as the Universal Zetetic Society, before “jumping the pond” a few decades ago and having Johnson pick up the mantle. Johnson honestly, seriously believed the earth was flat. He also believed that Moses, Columbus, and George Washington were Flat Earthers, as well. Zetetics teach that the world is flat as a phonograph record, and the north pole is at the center. The internet has a lot of stuff about Flat Earthers, but most of them are just there to make fun of the idea. Johnson believed it. He was a loon, but I give him credit – not too many folks will stand when everyone thinks you are wrong. Here’s to you, CKJ!
http://tafkac.org/science/flat_earth_society_flyer.html
One of my heroes died in 2001, but I didn’t know about it till recently. Charles K. Johnson was the leader for the Flat Earth Society in America. The movement actually began in England as the Universal Zetetic Society, before “jumping the pond” a few decades ago and having Johnson pick up the mantle. Johnson honestly, seriously believed the earth was flat. He also believed that Moses, Columbus, and George Washington were Flat Earthers, as well. Zetetics teach that the world is flat as a phonograph record, and the north pole is at the center. The internet has a lot of stuff about Flat Earthers, but most of them are just there to make fun of the idea. Johnson believed it. He was a loon, but I give him credit – not too many folks will stand when everyone thinks you are wrong. Here’s to you, CKJ!
http://tafkac.org/science/flat_earth_society_flyer.html
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