One more week
One more week until the big election – what will we do after that to entertain ourselves? Run in fear, possibly, if the wrong person is elected. Honestly, though, our country has enough checks and balances built into it that we might not see a whole lot of difference right away. Let’s be honest too – a president really can’t do much, if his peeps aren’t behind him. George Carlin said there are enough crazies in California, Texas, and Wyoming to keep us entertained for years. Interesting days ahead, yo!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Idiopathic
The word idiopathic is medical-speak for “we don’t know.” Amazing to me that with all our toys, tools, and training – the answer is often still “dunno.” Add in a cool sounding word, and the inability to figure something out still sounds intelligent. “What would you do with the state of our economy, senator?” “Well Bob, I’m a little idiopathic on that right now.” “As president, what would you do about dependence on foreign oil?” “I would assemble all the geniuses, and determine the idiopathic response, Bob.” I like it! Let’s all try to use the word in casual conversation this week. For something so easy, it sounds really bright.
The word idiopathic is medical-speak for “we don’t know.” Amazing to me that with all our toys, tools, and training – the answer is often still “dunno.” Add in a cool sounding word, and the inability to figure something out still sounds intelligent. “What would you do with the state of our economy, senator?” “Well Bob, I’m a little idiopathic on that right now.” “As president, what would you do about dependence on foreign oil?” “I would assemble all the geniuses, and determine the idiopathic response, Bob.” I like it! Let’s all try to use the word in casual conversation this week. For something so easy, it sounds really bright.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Overheard at the hospital:
Nurse 3: The wrinkly skin that covers the elbow is called the weenis.
Nurse 4: The what? The weenis?
Nurse 3: Yeah, the weenis. A very interesting part of the body. There are no nerves in the weenis. It doesn’t hurt if you injure it, or pull it.
(All the nurses started pulling on their elbow skin, to find out if that was true. So did I.)
Nurse 1: I can feel it when I pull on my weenis.
Nurse 3: I didn’t say you couldn’t feel it. I said it wouldn’t hurt.
Nurse 2: Wow, I pinched my weenis, and really couldn’t feel a thing!
Nurse 4: It hurts when I pinch my weenis.
Nurse 3: There’s no way – you have no nerves there. Maybe you can feel it, because you are pulling the skin around your weenis, and not just the weenis itself.
(Conversation accurate, but edited for space considerations)
Nurse 3: The wrinkly skin that covers the elbow is called the weenis.
Nurse 4: The what? The weenis?
Nurse 3: Yeah, the weenis. A very interesting part of the body. There are no nerves in the weenis. It doesn’t hurt if you injure it, or pull it.
(All the nurses started pulling on their elbow skin, to find out if that was true. So did I.)
Nurse 1: I can feel it when I pull on my weenis.
Nurse 3: I didn’t say you couldn’t feel it. I said it wouldn’t hurt.
Nurse 2: Wow, I pinched my weenis, and really couldn’t feel a thing!
Nurse 4: It hurts when I pinch my weenis.
Nurse 3: There’s no way – you have no nerves there. Maybe you can feel it, because you are pulling the skin around your weenis, and not just the weenis itself.
(Conversation accurate, but edited for space considerations)
Monday, October 6, 2008
Stiff drinks
Why has the cost of non-alcoholic drinks (soda and iced tea) gotten so expensive in restaurants? Most charge $1.60 and up now. Zios charges $2.19! A family of four could drop eight bucks before they even order food! Of course you could drink water, but why the high cost? I would guess that soda costs a restaurant less than a dollar a gallon, and iced tea must be even less. McDonalds’ has 42 oz. drinks for under a dollar, and most convenience stores do, too. I think it must be the terrorists. Everything is blamed on them now, or on one of the two political parties. I don’t want to argue politics, so let’s just agree that it must be the terrorists. This newest offense is an outrage! Where is John Wayne when we need him?
Why has the cost of non-alcoholic drinks (soda and iced tea) gotten so expensive in restaurants? Most charge $1.60 and up now. Zios charges $2.19! A family of four could drop eight bucks before they even order food! Of course you could drink water, but why the high cost? I would guess that soda costs a restaurant less than a dollar a gallon, and iced tea must be even less. McDonalds’ has 42 oz. drinks for under a dollar, and most convenience stores do, too. I think it must be the terrorists. Everything is blamed on them now, or on one of the two political parties. I don’t want to argue politics, so let’s just agree that it must be the terrorists. This newest offense is an outrage! Where is John Wayne when we need him?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Childbirth and photography
Mary brought forth a son, and they named him Jesus. "Brought forth" – I like that! “Produced” sounds too mechanical, and “gave birth to” sounds too animal. Brought forth gives the sense of “I made this for us – do you like it?” Yes, as a matter of fact I do! My wife has brought forth twice, and she did a great job both times. Sometimes modernism is better, and some time it isn’t. That’s like saying the photographs of Ansel Adams would be better if they were in color. Poppycock! Adams brought forth black and white, and it rules!
Mary brought forth a son, and they named him Jesus. "Brought forth" – I like that! “Produced” sounds too mechanical, and “gave birth to” sounds too animal. Brought forth gives the sense of “I made this for us – do you like it?” Yes, as a matter of fact I do! My wife has brought forth twice, and she did a great job both times. Sometimes modernism is better, and some time it isn’t. That’s like saying the photographs of Ansel Adams would be better if they were in color. Poppycock! Adams brought forth black and white, and it rules!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Loft Life
This weekend, my wife and I took a tour of seven cool lofts. The stairwells were torture, but the homes themselves were great. Odd thing, though – in all seven cases, the residents of the lofts were artists – photographers, designers, architects, etc. Do artists have to live in lofts to be taken seriously? Is there something about a loft that calls out to artistic types? Am I by definition non-creative because I don’t live in a loft? Would I be a better writer if my living room was all windows, and overlooked the railroad tracks? So many questions to ponder! Exhausting – think I’ll go take a nap in the dark bedroom of my one floor house, in my standard neighborhood.
This weekend, my wife and I took a tour of seven cool lofts. The stairwells were torture, but the homes themselves were great. Odd thing, though – in all seven cases, the residents of the lofts were artists – photographers, designers, architects, etc. Do artists have to live in lofts to be taken seriously? Is there something about a loft that calls out to artistic types? Am I by definition non-creative because I don’t live in a loft? Would I be a better writer if my living room was all windows, and overlooked the railroad tracks? So many questions to ponder! Exhausting – think I’ll go take a nap in the dark bedroom of my one floor house, in my standard neighborhood.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Mouseflipper
I have a mouseflipper in my garage. Most folks would call it a shovel, but I use mine to flip mice over the back fence. Our cat brings us this little flaccid offerings of joy, expecting praise and wanting to bring them – flopping – into our living room. Cat shrinks (they exist) say we should not scold her, because she is only doing what comes naturally. I guess that is the real difference between humans and our pets – we are expected to act on higher impulses, rather than always just doing that which our baser natures would dictate. Otherwise, we would all be built like Karl Rove and act like Paris Hilton. So why do they get paid so much?
I have a mouseflipper in my garage. Most folks would call it a shovel, but I use mine to flip mice over the back fence. Our cat brings us this little flaccid offerings of joy, expecting praise and wanting to bring them – flopping – into our living room. Cat shrinks (they exist) say we should not scold her, because she is only doing what comes naturally. I guess that is the real difference between humans and our pets – we are expected to act on higher impulses, rather than always just doing that which our baser natures would dictate. Otherwise, we would all be built like Karl Rove and act like Paris Hilton. So why do they get paid so much?
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