Duck Tape

Duck tape isn’t the real name for that silvery do-all stuff, and anybody who calls it that should be slapped. The real name is DUCT tape, and it was invented to seal the joints in air-conditioning and heating ductwork. As we became lazier and more illiterate, the word gradually morphed from duct to duck. We mispronounced it, and ended up misspelling it. To add insult to injury, the MANCO corporation (America’s leading duct tape manufacturer) officially changed the name to duck, and put a cartoon picture of a big yellow duck right on the package! You can’t blame them, really – they were just giving us what we were asking for. They knew better, but the marketing department convinced the suits in the big office that they could sell more tape if there was a duck on the package. So now, when you buy a roll of MANCO duct tape it actually says duck right on the package!

Why does all this matter? Because it supports our tendency to be lazy and ignorant! It wouldn’t be so bad if duct tape was the only casualty, but there are so many more examples. When you buy a bouquet of flowers now after forgetting your spouses’ birthday, the florist shop is likely to have a sign that says “Bokays!” on the wall. It isn’t a bokay, it’s a bouquet – OK?

Wait, there’s more. Twenty years ago, a major brand of honey sold in America was the Sioux Bee label. The sweet nectar was named after the Sioux Indians, a proud part of our Native American heritage. That honey is now called the “Sue Bee” brand, because we didn’t want to bother trying to pronounce the original name. Every once in a while, a group of Native Americans protests the use of an Indian name if they feel it is improperly applied to a sports team. Changing the word to Sioux to Sue would, it seems to me, be an equally offensive degradation of the original tribal name.

When you buy fast food (we all do – get off your high horse!), does the word “drive thru” appear for the take out lane? Why do we allow “through” to be written “thru?” Is it harder to pronounce? Can we not afford the paint for the extra three letters? Can’t the restaurant charge an extra penny for cheese, and spell the word correctly?

Now there is a movement afoot in our country to drop the use of apostrophes. The argument seems to be that it would be easier to drop them, than to educate people on the proper way to use them! Following that logic, why don’t we just close all our schools and universities, and sit around all day in our underwear eating cheetos and watching reruns of “The Simple Life?” That way, there won’t be any resistance when the robots come into our living rooms to take over our lives.