Friday, February 22, 2008
Rant - Nasty food
One of my brothers coined the phrase “nasty food” a while back. It refers to food that tastes great, but is very unhealthy – bacon cheeseburgers and raspberry white chocolate cheesecake, for examples. Though I don’t eat as much of it as I used to, I do love nasty food. My guess is that you do, too. Let’s be honest – salt, sugar, and fat are the three ingredients that make food taste so good. Without salt, your food is bland. Without sugar, your food is less satisfying. Without fat, you’ve got food that tastes like cardboard. Without all three, you have Kashi breakfast cereals (a personal rant for another day). Medically, you should eat as little nasty food as possible. I understand that. What I don’t understand, and won’t accept, is for this to be an ethical or political issue. I have a niece who is a vegan. She is also a beautiful, intelligent, educated woman. She doesn’t try to guilt those around her who eat nasty food. As a human, as an American, it is within our rights to eat what we want to eat. I hope no one ever tries to protect us to death, by limiting what we are allowed to buy and to eat.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Neckties
I have almost 70 neckties, and most of them are silk. They hang artfully in my closet on an electric, illuminated, rotating tie rack. Nothing in my life makes me feel more like an American. I bought less than ten of them, the rest came as gifts from a dear sister in law. Though I complain about wearing ties 5-6 days a week, the truth is that I enjoy dressing well. Mark Twain was once asked why he always wore his signature white linen suits. He responded, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” A visit to any water park or public pool clearly demonstrates that most people look better dressed up than not.
One does wonder, though, how the practice began. Why humans wear pants and shirts is pretty self-explanatory, but neckties? The internet says Chinese royalty started the practice almost two hundred years before the birth of Christ. Then the practice disappeared for a while, only to start again around the 1600’s. Weird how history works. And who decided the tying process for these things? In the same way that you can’t tickle yourself, you can’t easily tie a necktie for someone else. I’m afraid to even try a bowtie – who knows how those operate? Maybe the aliens that helped build the Egyptian pyramids and those huge heads on Easter Island had something to do with neckties. Your guess is as good as mine.
One does wonder, though, how the practice began. Why humans wear pants and shirts is pretty self-explanatory, but neckties? The internet says Chinese royalty started the practice almost two hundred years before the birth of Christ. Then the practice disappeared for a while, only to start again around the 1600’s. Weird how history works. And who decided the tying process for these things? In the same way that you can’t tickle yourself, you can’t easily tie a necktie for someone else. I’m afraid to even try a bowtie – who knows how those operate? Maybe the aliens that helped build the Egyptian pyramids and those huge heads on Easter Island had something to do with neckties. Your guess is as good as mine.
Elevator Etiquette
The building I work in has many elevators. They seem like a pretty straight-forward means of conveyance to me, but apparently some people are still mystified by them. I was alone in an elevator recently, and stepped out on the ground floor. A college-aged guy stepped in, looked confused and stepped out, looked even more confused and stepped back in. When I asked if he needed help, he answered “does this elevator go back up?”
I’ll give that guy the benefit of the doubt – maybe he was behind on his sleep. What drives me crazy, though, are folks who seem not to understand the most basic rule of elevator etiquette. Here it is – wait for folks to get OFF the elevator, before you get ON. Seems deceptively simply, doesn’t it? Why do folks try to slam into a crowded elevator as soon as the door opens, then seem surprised that they have packed in the people who hoped to get out? Isn’t the whole point of their taking the elevator, and of the door opening, that when the door opened they were hoping to get out? Can those waiting for an elevator not wait ten seconds before boarding? To quote that current ad for soda pop – “Wake up, people!”
I’ll give that guy the benefit of the doubt – maybe he was behind on his sleep. What drives me crazy, though, are folks who seem not to understand the most basic rule of elevator etiquette. Here it is – wait for folks to get OFF the elevator, before you get ON. Seems deceptively simply, doesn’t it? Why do folks try to slam into a crowded elevator as soon as the door opens, then seem surprised that they have packed in the people who hoped to get out? Isn’t the whole point of their taking the elevator, and of the door opening, that when the door opened they were hoping to get out? Can those waiting for an elevator not wait ten seconds before boarding? To quote that current ad for soda pop – “Wake up, people!”
Duck Tape
Duck tape isn’t the real name for that silvery do-all stuff, and anybody who calls it that should be slapped. The real name is DUCT tape, and it was invented to seal the joints in air-conditioning and heating ductwork. As we became lazier and more illiterate, the word gradually morphed from duct to duck. We mispronounced it, and ended up misspelling it. To add insult to injury, the MANCO corporation (America’s leading duct tape manufacturer) officially changed the name to duck, and put a cartoon picture of a big yellow duck right on the package! You can’t blame them, really – they were just giving us what we were asking for. They knew better, but the marketing department convinced the suits in the big office that they could sell more tape if there was a duck on the package. So now, when you buy a roll of MANCO duct tape it actually says duck right on the package!
Why does all this matter? Because it supports our tendency to be lazy and ignorant! It wouldn’t be so bad if duct tape was the only casualty, but there are so many more examples. When you buy a bouquet of flowers now after forgetting your spouses’ birthday, the florist shop is likely to have a sign that says “Bokays!” on the wall. It isn’t a bokay, it’s a bouquet – OK?
Wait, there’s more. Twenty years ago, a major brand of honey sold in America was the Sioux Bee label. The sweet nectar was named after the Sioux Indians, a proud part of our Native American heritage. That honey is now called the “Sue Bee” brand, because we didn’t want to bother trying to pronounce the original name. Every once in a while, a group of Native Americans protests the use of an Indian name if they feel it is improperly applied to a sports team. Changing the word to Sioux to Sue would, it seems to me, be an equally offensive degradation of the original tribal name.
When you buy fast food (we all do – get off your high horse!), does the word “drive thru” appear for the take out lane? Why do we allow “through” to be written “thru?” Is it harder to pronounce? Can we not afford the paint for the extra three letters? Can’t the restaurant charge an extra penny for cheese, and spell the word correctly?
Now there is a movement afoot in our country to drop the use of apostrophes. The argument seems to be that it would be easier to drop them, than to educate people on the proper way to use them! Following that logic, why don’t we just close all our schools and universities, and sit around all day in our underwear eating cheetos and watching reruns of “The Simple Life?” That way, there won’t be any resistance when the robots come into our living rooms to take over our lives.
Why does all this matter? Because it supports our tendency to be lazy and ignorant! It wouldn’t be so bad if duct tape was the only casualty, but there are so many more examples. When you buy a bouquet of flowers now after forgetting your spouses’ birthday, the florist shop is likely to have a sign that says “Bokays!” on the wall. It isn’t a bokay, it’s a bouquet – OK?
Wait, there’s more. Twenty years ago, a major brand of honey sold in America was the Sioux Bee label. The sweet nectar was named after the Sioux Indians, a proud part of our Native American heritage. That honey is now called the “Sue Bee” brand, because we didn’t want to bother trying to pronounce the original name. Every once in a while, a group of Native Americans protests the use of an Indian name if they feel it is improperly applied to a sports team. Changing the word to Sioux to Sue would, it seems to me, be an equally offensive degradation of the original tribal name.
When you buy fast food (we all do – get off your high horse!), does the word “drive thru” appear for the take out lane? Why do we allow “through” to be written “thru?” Is it harder to pronounce? Can we not afford the paint for the extra three letters? Can’t the restaurant charge an extra penny for cheese, and spell the word correctly?
Now there is a movement afoot in our country to drop the use of apostrophes. The argument seems to be that it would be easier to drop them, than to educate people on the proper way to use them! Following that logic, why don’t we just close all our schools and universities, and sit around all day in our underwear eating cheetos and watching reruns of “The Simple Life?” That way, there won’t be any resistance when the robots come into our living rooms to take over our lives.
Drop The 9
According to our illustrious government, the price we pay for gasoline breaks down something like this – per dollar spent:
37 cents for the crude oil, from mashed-up dinosaurs
36 cents for state and federal taxes, to support our way of life
14 cents for distribution (from the field to your Ford)
13 cents for refining and processing costs
As you can see, taxes on gasoline cost about the same as does the crude oil. When gas was cheap (29.9 per gallon for folks my age), nine point nine cents of the price per gallon was for taxes. The other twenty cents went for the crude oil, refining, and distribution. Those days have long passed, and the need for a “point nine” has gone the way of the dinosaurs who gave their lives so we could drive to the local WalMart. I vote that we drop the 9, and simply have a non-fractioned price per gallon for gasoline. To give the tax-masters an incentive, we could even curve the current prices up to the next dollar, and let the suits have that point one percent to play with.
37 cents for the crude oil, from mashed-up dinosaurs
36 cents for state and federal taxes, to support our way of life
14 cents for distribution (from the field to your Ford)
13 cents for refining and processing costs
As you can see, taxes on gasoline cost about the same as does the crude oil. When gas was cheap (29.9 per gallon for folks my age), nine point nine cents of the price per gallon was for taxes. The other twenty cents went for the crude oil, refining, and distribution. Those days have long passed, and the need for a “point nine” has gone the way of the dinosaurs who gave their lives so we could drive to the local WalMart. I vote that we drop the 9, and simply have a non-fractioned price per gallon for gasoline. To give the tax-masters an incentive, we could even curve the current prices up to the next dollar, and let the suits have that point one percent to play with.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)