Litter
I never, ever throw trash out the window of my car – but I do throw banana peels. They rot and are gone very quickly, squirrels and ants like to eat them, and I don’t want them smelling up my car. In my opinion, banana peels are not litter. My wife disagrees, and the law might as well. Today, the law (or karma) won. I slung a peel out the passenger window with unusual force, attempting to make it land neatly in the grass beside the road. But I had rolled down the rear window instead of the front one. The peel splatted loudly against the glass, and slowly slid down the window – leaving banana meat all over my freshly scrubbed glass. Now I’m angry, and the law won.

Tanning
Any day now, we’ll start hearing – again! – that the sun is bad for us, and we should wear sunscreen all the time. These sun-haters must think we have very short memories. I don’t want skin cancer, either, but let’s be honest and admit that tanned people – almost any and all tanned people – look better that folks who aren’t. Tanned fat looks better than bleachy white fat. A salon here has a new angle – tanning gives you Vitamin D, to make you healthy! If God had wanted me white, I would have been born that way. No, wait . . .

Insomnia
Overheard a conversation today -- A guy said, “I didn’t sleep at all last night!” Having heard that from folks most my life, my response is “horse feathers!” I just never believe it. You may not sleep restfully, or you may wake up a lot, but not sleeping at all – all night – impossible! I simply do not believe it. When my own family members have said that, my response has been “Well, you were certainly asleep at 3am, because you were snoring then!” (Disclaimer – this has NOTHING to do with my wife – she sleeps like the dead). I rarely have insomnia, so I’m not overly sympathetic. But not at all? None? I don’t think so!

A terrible thing to waste
I met a woman this week with a fascinating story. Both she and her husband (she said) had identical twins, separated at birth, though they had never met. Further, her and her husband were switched at birth, so they couldn’t be sure who their parents were. Her twin was stalking her husband, while his twin was stalking her. She was sure this was true, because they had “seen the twins around town” several times. Her husband was sitting next to her, and agreed that the whole thing was true. I asked her what was on the paper she was holding. It was for the doctor, she said, and handed it to me. On the paper, again and again, was written the phrase “I don’t need psych meds.” I’m looking around for my twin.