As seen on TV
I live in MO, the “show me state.” Residents of my state are supposed to disbelieve everything until it is shown to be true. But I didn’t grow up in MO. I’m pretty gullible, and normally believe stuff until it is shown to NOT be true. Why would anyone want to lie to me? I bought one of the upside-down tomato planters, and it is doing great. I can’t explain it, but it works. The plant is high in the air, above all the bugs and fungus that like to eat tomatoes. So, I’m sold. All you “negative nancies” out there that question everything you hear – go take a leap! I’ll be eating my tomatoes.

Treat yourself
My daughter told me years ago, quite accurately, that I have trouble “treating myself” to things I want. It’s not that I feel unworthy, it’s just that my default setting is to take care of other people’s needs before my own. Part of that is my upbringing, part of it is a religious thing, and part is that I honestly don’t think I have a selfish bone in my body. But I bought myself a treat a couple weeks ago – a small “netbook” computer. I don’t really need one, I just wanted one. If I had actually needed it, I wouldn’t have had the struggle justifying the expense. The thing is my father’s day / birthday gift though, so it’s OK. My new toy is a real peach, and my daughter is right. Sometimes it is very nice to treat yourself.

Travel
We are – let’s be honest, pretty fortunate folks. We have stuff and opportunities available to us that others do not. To me, the ability to travel is incredible. I hope I never get used to it, never assume that it’s my right to be able to. After reaching the age of 50 and never having gone to Florida, I’m going twice in one year. This fall I hope to go to the Western Caribbean. My kids have been in Europe, Hawaii, and elsewhere. Though I don’t remember it all, as a child my family traveled to most of the “lower 48.” I love my home and my job, but I also love getting away from both. Whenever you think you’re broke, think about where you’ve been able to go and what you’ve been able to see. I think that’s terrific.

Litter
I never, ever throw trash out the window of my car – but I do throw banana peels. They rot and are gone very quickly, squirrels and ants like to eat them, and I don’t want them smelling up my car. In my opinion, banana peels are not litter. My wife disagrees, and the law might as well. Today, the law (or karma) won. I slung a peel out the passenger window with unusual force, attempting to make it land neatly in the grass beside the road. But I had rolled down the rear window instead of the front one. The peel splatted loudly against the glass, and slowly slid down the window – leaving banana meat all over my freshly scrubbed glass. Now I’m angry, and the law won.

Tanning
Any day now, we’ll start hearing – again! – that the sun is bad for us, and we should wear sunscreen all the time. These sun-haters must think we have very short memories. I don’t want skin cancer, either, but let’s be honest and admit that tanned people – almost any and all tanned people – look better that folks who aren’t. Tanned fat looks better than bleachy white fat. A salon here has a new angle – tanning gives you Vitamin D, to make you healthy! If God had wanted me white, I would have been born that way. No, wait . . .

Insomnia
Overheard a conversation today -- A guy said, “I didn’t sleep at all last night!” Having heard that from folks most my life, my response is “horse feathers!” I just never believe it. You may not sleep restfully, or you may wake up a lot, but not sleeping at all – all night – impossible! I simply do not believe it. When my own family members have said that, my response has been “Well, you were certainly asleep at 3am, because you were snoring then!” (Disclaimer – this has NOTHING to do with my wife – she sleeps like the dead). I rarely have insomnia, so I’m not overly sympathetic. But not at all? None? I don’t think so!

A terrible thing to waste
I met a woman this week with a fascinating story. Both she and her husband (she said) had identical twins, separated at birth, though they had never met. Further, her and her husband were switched at birth, so they couldn’t be sure who their parents were. Her twin was stalking her husband, while his twin was stalking her. She was sure this was true, because they had “seen the twins around town” several times. Her husband was sitting next to her, and agreed that the whole thing was true. I asked her what was on the paper she was holding. It was for the doctor, she said, and handed it to me. On the paper, again and again, was written the phrase “I don’t need psych meds.” I’m looking around for my twin.