Childbirth and photography

Mary brought forth a son, and they named him Jesus. "Brought forth" – I like that! “Produced” sounds too mechanical, and “gave birth to” sounds too animal. Brought forth gives the sense of “I made this for us – do you like it?” Yes, as a matter of fact I do! My wife has brought forth twice, and she did a great job both times. Sometimes modernism is better, and some time it isn’t. That’s like saying the photographs of Ansel Adams would be better if they were in color. Poppycock! Adams brought forth black and white, and it rules!

Loft Life

This weekend, my wife and I took a tour of seven cool lofts. The stairwells were torture, but the homes themselves were great. Odd thing, though – in all seven cases, the residents of the lofts were artists – photographers, designers, architects, etc. Do artists have to live in lofts to be taken seriously? Is there something about a loft that calls out to artistic types? Am I by definition non-creative because I don’t live in a loft? Would I be a better writer if my living room was all windows, and overlooked the railroad tracks? So many questions to ponder! Exhausting – think I’ll go take a nap in the dark bedroom of my one floor house, in my standard neighborhood.

Mouseflipper

I have a mouseflipper in my garage. Most folks would call it a shovel, but I use mine to flip mice over the back fence. Our cat brings us this little flaccid offerings of joy, expecting praise and wanting to bring them – flopping – into our living room. Cat shrinks (they exist) say we should not scold her, because she is only doing what comes naturally. I guess that is the real difference between humans and our pets – we are expected to act on higher impulses, rather than always just doing that which our baser natures would dictate. Otherwise, we would all be built like Karl Rove and act like Paris Hilton. So why do they get paid so much?

Dreams

Last night I dreamed I was given a plastic blister pack of The Top Nine US Marshals Play Set. Where does this stuff come from? The theory I subscribe to is that during the day the brain collects random bits of flotsam and jetsam, then weaves it all into a story to entertain itself. May not be true, but I like that explanation. On the old Jetsons TV show, you could program a little machine before going to bed, to direct your dreams. I prefer it the natural way – the randomization is great. Shakespeare said “To sleep, perchance to dream.” Dream on!

Lane pigs

I really, truly dislike lane pigs. Folks that design store layouts work very hard to make each aisle exactly two carts wide. When a single person with one cart clogs up the whole aisle, I get angry. Halls in most public buildings are at least three people wide. When two people clog up a whole hall so I can’t walk by, it makes me angry. These folks don’t straddle the white line when driving down a road – why on earth do they find it acceptable to do so in a grocery store, or while walking down a hall? Do we need to paint white stripes inside all buildings, so they wake up and walk straight? Infuriating!

The REAL oil problem

We’ve been fooled – the whole nation of us. Thousands of shops around the country have trained us to change our car’s oil every three thousand (3K) miles. Quite frankly, we are idiots. The manufacturers themselves, who built the cars, recommend oil changes every 5K – 7.5K miles. Who knows these cars better – the manufacturers, or folks getting rich off of us? Auto makers have for decades been making our cars LESS needy – fewer tune-ups, better longevity, etc. This 3K thing is a bad joke. My car has an “oil life indicator” that says the oil has over half of its life left, even after 5K. The bigger issue, though, is that changing too often wastes crude oil that could be made into gasoline instead. Honest - wouldn’t we rather have more gas, for a lower price, than overlubed cars? What a crock!

Olympics #2

Can you imagine eating 12,000 calories per day? Can you imagine being required to do that? US Olympic swimming hero Michael Phelps averages 12,000 calories per day while he is in training. That’s how much fuel his body needs just to keep going at that pace. Phelps eats between four and six times as much as most folks do. The point? The next time I’m accused of overeating, I’ll just say I’m prepping for the Olympics. Phelps and I are in such similar shape, that I’m sure no one would question it. What a deal – wish I had thought of this years ago!